I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
