There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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