My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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