I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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