i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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