Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
