Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
