She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
