i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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