So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize