Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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