dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
