I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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