I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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