I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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