nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
