You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
