Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
