someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize