if only i could text you this smell
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
