I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
