my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
