After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
