What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was like getting head from an anaconda
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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