Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He did a backflip because drugs
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