btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
