I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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