I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
