my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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