Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
