Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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