So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
