I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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