Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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