I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Houston, we have a squirter
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
