If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
