just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
