Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
