'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm experimenting with sincerity
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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