I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
