went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
