eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
