I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
