does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize