I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
