he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
