I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
