Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
COCAINE IS GR8
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
