im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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