evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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