he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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