did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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