i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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