Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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