Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
