I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
