you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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