my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
