I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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