tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just google imaged poop.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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