Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
