my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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