I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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