Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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